I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
