Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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