so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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