You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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