Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
