Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
