you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
