Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
