Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
