There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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