well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
