At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
