Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
