This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
