need another drink. this is the easiest way
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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