Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
