Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
