Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
