i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
