We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
