He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize