Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
