my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
