so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
