Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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