I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize