he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
