i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
did you just send me my own nude
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize