I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
