I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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