She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
