drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
