Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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