answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
