My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
