I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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