im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
