i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
