Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
