You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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