dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
