I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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