I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
