I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
