I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
