An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
