dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i've created a new STD.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
