Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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