So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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