she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize