ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
