Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
