As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
