do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
