guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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