I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
