Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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