she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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