Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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