see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
