Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
well you can't waste a boner
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
