Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
